The Bad Touch
by dti
Summary: Oneshot. Naruto wasn't surprised that he was set up. It was just that it was Hinata of all people who did it. Who knew she was capable of such a delightfully malicious trick? Sasunaru of the lemony kind.


Well hello readers :] Happy Labor Day. I get paid to not work so I thought I'd celebrate with a nice lemon.

I forgot to credit Bloodhound Gang for inspiration on the title. Their song "The Bad Touch" just screams sex. I couldn't help but write smut as I listened to it. Kuhuhuu.

**Summary: **Naruto wasn't surprised that he was set up. It was just that it was Hinata of all people who did it. Who knew she was capable of such a delightfully malicious trick? Sasunaru of the lemony kind

**The Bad Touch**

July twenty-third. Naruto sighed for himself as he walked down the busy streets of Konoha. Today was Sasuke's birthday. He hated today and every day between it and October tenth with such a burning passion it was difficult to express any emotion but despair. He hated, _hated_, so much that he was younger than Sasuke and Sasuke never missed an opportunity to tease him about it.

Last year and been awful. It sucked being twelve while Sasuke was thirteen. There was nothing worse than being the only child on a team of teenagers. Maybe it sounds insignificant now when he looked back on it, but it really was a big deal back then. And Sasuke knew it. So Sasuke never eased up on the insults until October tenth where he congratulated him on being born on the stupidest day of the year.

Yeah, maybe it was the shittiest day of the year, but that didn't mean it was his fault for being born on it.

But despite all the negativity surrounding today, he couldn't avoid the fact that he _had_ to go give Sasuke this stupid present he had bought last week. He wouldn't admit that it took him nearly two weeks to pick out and half his savings to buy. Nope, that'd prove he actually cared if Sasuke liked it which he _didn't_! If Sasuke didn't like it well then _too damn bad_.

"N-Naruto-kun?" a shy voice asked, breaking him from his angry reverie.

He turned around to see Hinata standing behind him, a violent blush adorning her features and her eyes steadfast on the ground and a small, wrapped present in her hands.

"Oh, hey Hinata! Are you ok?" he asked, feeling concerned for the color of her cheeks. That couldn't be healthy, could it?

"I – um, I was w-wondering if you could give this to Sasuke-kun for me. I-it's his birthday and I have to go on a mission right now," she explained as she twisted her foot in the dirt of the road under her feet in some sort of attempt to expel her nerves.

"Oh, yeah sure, I was heading over there right now actually," he explained as he slipped his own small present for Sasuke into his jacket pocket before taking the box as Hinata handed it to him.

Hinata seemed to hesitate for a moment before she threw her arms around Naruto's midriff, hugging him awkwardly for a short moment before pulling back and turning quickly before taking off down the street, blending easily into the crowd of villagers. Naruto stared incredulously after her, unsure of what to make of that. He shook his head slightly to shake the thoughts from his mind before he turned and continued his slow, drawn out walk to the Uchiha estate. He really didn't want to do this.

Much sooner than he had wished, the Uchiha district appeared on his horizon and he was heading down the abandoned streets until he was standing on his teammate's front porch, his hand resting at his side as he steeled himself to just knock.

But before he could, the door slid open and Sasuke was standing in the doorway, an eyebrow raised and a smirk set in place at the look of irritation already adorning his blonde teammate's face.

"How'd you know I was here, teme? Been waiting?" he mocked, his voice filled with malice as he let himself in, slipping his shoes off at the front door.

"You have the most distinct chakra signature I've ever felt. I knew you were coming from down the street."

Naruto scowled in distaste, the answer unappealing to him.

"Here," the blonde mumbled, his gaze steadfast to the left as he handed the raven the box in his hands. He didn't bother saying who it was from. He'd find out when he read the tag.

"Hm, to Sasuke, _love_ Naruto?"

Naruto's gaze snapped toward the raven as he read the tag attached to the box and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What? No, that's from Hinata," he quickly corrected, as he hurried to Sasuke's side to make sure he wasn't just fucking around.

"That's not what the tag says," Sasuke stated with a smirk as he pulled it off to show the blonde who stared at it with a look of incredulity.

He didn't know how long he stared at it, trying to figure out how his handwriting had ended up on that small piece of paper.

Sasuke smirked at the blonde while he opened the box, a delicate eyebrow raising at the single item inside.

"Really dobe?" he asked as he held up a bottle of lube, watching with amusement as Naruto's jaw went slack, "Just what are you trying to insinuate?"

"That's – it's – I don't –"

Just what the hell was going on?

"I didn't buy you that!" he yelled, finally able to string together a coherent sentence, "I bought you something else! It's–" he began, as he went through his pockets, his hands freezing when both came out empty handed, "Where'd it go?"

"Oh sure, you 'bought me something else' huh? Well I think I'd like this gift better anyway."

If Naruto was shocked when this whole thing started it was nothing to what he was feeling now. The air was sucked from his very lungs and he was unsure he'd be able to breathe properly when it returned with the way Sasuke was looking at him. Was it legal for Sasuke to even look at him with that kind of lechery pouring from his dark eyes?

"Um, Sasuke? You should lie down. I think you're sick."

"I'm not sick, dobe. I'm horny."

Oh Jesus. Sasuke wasn't beating around the bush Naruto was trying to plant between them. It was true that Sasuke was never a man of small talk, but this level of blatancy was alarming, even to Naruto.

"But I suppose you wouldn't even know what that means. I mean, you're only thirteen, you're practically still a kid."

"I'm not a kid! And I know what that means you pervert!"

"What's it mean then, dobe?" the raven challenged, watching as Naruto's lips parted before he shut them again, his eyebrows furrowed in contemplation.

"It means – you want–"

Sasuke smirked at the way Naruto struggled to string together what he was trying to say.

"Yeah, I wanna fuck. It's just too bad you're too young for consensual sex."

"No I'm not!"

Oh, reverse psychology, you never fail.

"Then prove it," Sasuke whispered, a wry smirk twisting onto his lips at the deep blush creeping through Naruto's cheeks. Naruto had had plenty of opportunities to turn him down by now. The fact that he was still fighting the way he was proved he wanted it just as much as Sasuke did. He just wasn't sure what was holding him back.

Naruto bit his lip as his gaze fell to the floor. Sasuke watched with amusement. He seemed to be steeling himself for something.

The blonde took several steps toward Sasuke until he was just in front of him before he tilted his head up, his eyes steadfast on the wall to the right of him as he quickly kissed Sasuke on the lips before pulling back quickly, his gaze falling to the ground again and his blush deepening if possible.

"Was that supposed to be a kiss, dobe?" the raven asked, his smirk widening at how embarrassed Naruto seemed to be over it, "Because if that's your idea of kissing then you really are as inexperienced as you let on."

Naruto's anger overpowered his embarrassment and he glared up heatedly, his eyes watching as Sasuke approached him.

"What's that supposed to mea–!" he began before Sasuke cut him off by kissing him, his skillful lips sucking gently on Naruto's bottom lip. The blonde couldn't help but part his lips in shock at how good Sasuke was at this. Sasuke backed them into the nearest wall, their lips still locked, and the blonde let out a soft grunt at the rough treatment. It wasn't long before tongue got involved and Naruto didn't even attempt to battle for dominance. He was far too shy to do anything but follow Sasuke's lead. Sasuke at least seemed to know what he was doing. Naruto really had no idea. He'd never even _talked_ to someone about kissing before.

And to be honest, sex was about as clear to him as a foreign language. Sure, he'd heard plenty of insinuations courtesy of Jiraiya and got the general idea that it was something men – at least the ones like Jiraiya – _craved_ for, but even the perverted man had refused to divulge on the specifics, claiming he was too young to know. Naruto was almost cursing his censorship now. Was he in over his head? Should he really go through with this?

But suddenly he was snapped from his reverie as he was jerked forward and slammed roughly against the wall behind him and he looked up to find Sasuke gazing down upon him, his features hard and serious.

"If you don't want to go any further then you better tell me to stop now, because I won't be able to later."

Naruto knew the word, had said it plenty of times in the past, and could feel it rising in his throat.

But for the life of him, he couldn't bring himself to say it.

And it was probably because it was the last thing he wanted.

Naruto just gazed back, panting slightly as he regained his breath, his eyes locked with Sasuke's. He wondered how long Sasuke would wait before deeming the silence as Naruto's answer.

Naruto didn't have to wait long for an answer. He was suddenly picked up and thrown half-hazardly over the raven's shoulder and he attempted to complain about it but couldn't bring himself to even breathe properly with Sasuke's shoulder digging so uncomfortably into his stomach.

Sasuke tossed him onto what Naruto assumed was Sasuke's bed. He sat up quickly, his eyes darting around the room he'd never been in before and his face lighting up at the picture on his bedside table. Naruto kept the same one on his.

"Focus," Sasuke berated as he grabbed the blonde by the chin, forcing Naruto's gaze back to his dark eyes before their lips were locked again and Sasuke was pushing him down, straddling him to the mattress.

His hand went to Naruto's jacket and he pulled the zipper down before pushing the shirt lying underneath up as far as it would go, his pale hands ghosting over Naruto's trembling skin.

"What're you doing?" the blonde asked breathily as he broke away from the kiss, his gaze dropping down to watch as Sasuke's hands fumbled with his belt.

Sasuke stopped, his eyes connected with Naruto's for a painfully long moment in which he stared incredulously at the blonde beneath him.

"You're kidding right?" he asked, watching as the blonde pouted slightly, his blush returning full force.

"Y-yeah, just kidding."

"You really don't know what sex is," Sasuke suddenly realized as he sat up, his lips curling into a smirk.

"I-I–" Naruto began uneasily, unsure of how to lie himself out of this one. It wasn't like he could give a definition if asked for one. He really had no idea what to say, "Why are you trying to take my clothes off?" he asked so quietly he was unsure of if Sasuke had heard.

Sasuke's smirk widened and he leaned over so his lips were brushing against Naruto's ear, noticing how goosebumps popped up across his tan skin where the raven's breath ghosted across it.

"Sex is very intimate dobe. We'll both be naked."

Naruto's mouth ran dry and he swallowed thickly in an attempt to restore some of the moisture as his lips parted in unease.

"But – but why?" he asked, his voice full of apprehension, "Can't we just do it with our clothes _on_?"

Sasuke laughed softly, the smirk on his face still intact as he sat up.

"Don't be shy dobe," he coaxed as he yanked the blonde's pants halfway down his legs, exposing his boxers and earning an indigent 'hey!' in reply, "You'll understand soon enough."

"Sasuke!" the whiskered teen complained loudly, his cheeks red with embarrassment as he tried to grab his pants to pull them back up before Sasuke yanked them the rest of the way off, tossing them on the floor, "Stop it!"

The raven scowled, his eyes narrowing slightly in irritation.

"Would it make you feel better if I was naked first?" he asked, his tone impatient as he pulled his shirt off. Naruto eased in his struggle at the suggestion and Sasuke took that as a yes. The rest of his clothes hit the floor before Naruto could make a sound and he almost laughed at the way the blonde's eyes darted to the ceiling, as if afraid to look.

But he almost regretted looking away because Sasuke took the opportunity to grab the hem of his boxers, pulling them off in one swift movement, his jacket and shirt going not long after.

He whined softly in indignation and tried to curl his knees up to cover himself but Sasuke grabbed his ankles and parted his legs so he could scoot between them, sitting between his thighs at an alarmingly intimate distance.

"Sasuke this is embarrassing," he breathed, his eyebrows furrowing as he closed his eyes tightly. Sasuke almost felt bad for how uncomfortable Naruto was. But he beat back the thought when he reminded himself that it was inevitable. Naruto was naïve. There was really no way to go about this without some level of discomfiture. Besides, he liked Naruto like this: vulnerable and submissive. It was rare that he allowed Sasuke this kind of dominance. When they fought, both boys always battled for dominance. He figured it would be the same in bed.

He was fondly surprised when it wasn't.

"Just relax," he whispered before scooting back enough to lower his face to Naruto's hips, his hand grabbing the blonde's manhood. Naruto flinched violently at the contact and he lifted his head enough to stare incredulously at the raven.

"Don't touch that!" the blonde nearly yelled as he tried to pry Sasuke's hand away from his slowly hardening member. But his attempts were only half-hearted and Sasuke easily slapped him away. It was difficult to push away someone's hand when it made him feel this good.

His hips jerked up when Sasuke sucked on the head of his cock and he felt an unfamiliar need begin to course though his being.

"Don't put it in your mou – ahh…" he trailed off, his eyebrows furrowing as Sasuke took him in, the hot cavern leaving him speechless.

Sasuke made sure to move slowly. He didn't want Naruto to cum yet. He just wanted Naruto hard, and begging for more.

After several slow and deliberate bobs up and down Naruto's length, his lips left the tip of Naruto's member with a small pop and Sasuke watched with amusement as his features twisted slightly in a scowl. Naruto was beginning to enjoy this, which meant Sasuke was allowed to begin to enjoy this.

"You knew this was a sexual gift," Sasuke stated as he held up the bottle of lube he'd received and Naruto eyed the bottle with mild interest, wondering when Sasuke had grabbed it, "But do you know what it's used for?"

Naruto's eyes shifted to the side as he grimaced in irritation. Of course he didn't know what it was used for. Sasuke knew that.

His blue eyes snapped back to Sasuke's hands as he heard the cap pop off and watched as the raven poured a generous amount into his cupped hand before he snapped the lid back onto the bottle and tossed it into the empty space on the bed next to them.

Naruto watched as Sasuke's hand wrapped around his own cock and he hissed lightly as his slick hand saturated the length of his member. Naruto wondered what the point of it was. But he didn't ask because Sasuke seemed to enjoy it. Maybe it just made it all feel better. He didn't know.

His eyes roamed the raven's features and wondered how he could be so openly lewd. Did he own no shame? Still, it was Sasuke he was talking about. Never before had he ever seen the boy openly show any kind of embarrassment. This was probably just another thing he was overly confident at. He had no reason to feel uncomfortable.

Naruto felt his breath hitch when Sasuke's smoldering eyes cracked open and he felt his cock twitch at the low moan that slipped through his perfect lips.

"Forgive me dobe. This might hurt," he breathed, as he looped his arms under the blonde's knees, pulling him closer as he adjusted himself at Naruto's entrance.

Naruto draped an arm across his forehead and he stared coarsely at the raven above him. He'd given up on fighting off every little thing he didn't understand. Maybe he had no clue what he was doing, but Sasuke did. Whatever he was warning him against couldn't be that bad could it?

But then Sasuke slid the tip of his cock into him and he sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth, his eyebrows furrowing and his muscles tightening on instinct when the pain invaded his senses.

"Shit," the blonde cursed, his eyes clenching shut as he winced in pain, "Ah–fuck! Slow down!"

Sasuke slowed to a stop, his breath coming in quick short gasps. It was taking everything within him to not shove himself balls deep into the blonde underneath him. He was throbbing for release and Naruto was almost painfully tight. It was too much to handle. He was hardly halfway in.

He tried to nudge forward again and Naruto cringed violently, has hands slamming against Sasuke's bare chest as he tried in vain to scoot away somehow.

"Ok just stop! This really hurts!"

Sasuke looked down, his eyebrows furrowing in pity and he tried to make that emotion dominant. It was obvious Naruto was in a good amount of discomfort. His face was twisted with pain and his dark eyelashes were wet with unshed tears. Sasuke briefly wondered if there might have been a better way to do this. This was his first time too.

His gaze went further south and he noticed the blonde was completely flaccid. Although, with the amount of pain he seemed to be in, he really didn't blame him.

"Is it that bad?" he asked, his voice strained from the amount of blood rushing to his head – and not the one on his shoulders. _Stay still, just stay still_. Damn it, he wished he could just–

Naruto choked on a sob as Sasuke thrust the rest of the way into him and Sasuke bit his lip to steady himself. What a primitive reaction; Sasuke could have sworn he had better self-control than this.

"Jesus, I'm sorry!" the raven apologized as he stilled his hips, his hands holding Naruto's waist still as he shook beneath him, attempting to move back and his knees squeezing Sasuke's sides painfully. Sasuke held him still, afraid Naruto would hurt himself if he didn't.

After several painful moments of wreathing, Naruto began to still himself and Sasuke placed his hands on the blonde's knees, pushing his legs far enough apart to allow him to lean forward and kiss the blonde's forehead, his hands moving up to cup his cheeks as his thumbs wiped away the stray tears that rolled down the side of his face through his tightly shut eyes.

"What were you thinking?" Naruto choked out, his voice heavily strained.

"I wasn't, I'm sorry," the raven whispered, his member throbbing in sync with his heartbeat. Staying this still was more difficult than he could have anticipated, "Should we stop?"

"No," the blonde gritted out, his hands reaching around to grab Sasuke's hair and tug gently at it, "Just give me a damn minute."

Sasuke closed his eyes before they could roll back and he willed himself to just breathe. Jesus Christ, was it possible for sex to feel this good? He wasn't even moving yet but the tight heat clamping around him was enough to bring him close to climax. Naruto's clenching was going to bring him to his limit.

"Hey just – try to relax," the raven suggested as he felt the ring of muscles around him tighten.

"I'm working on it teme," the blonde snapped back in an irritated tone as he took a deep, shaky breath in an attempt to release his tension.

Sasuke licked his dry lips before biting down hard on his lower lip, his hand reaching for Naruto's member and wrapping around it at the base. He skillfully moved his hand up the shaft, his thumb curving over the head of Naruto's member and rubbing it teasingly before dipping back down to repeat the motion until Naruto's shoulders began to relax. Sasuke sighed in anticipation as he felt the ring of muscles around his cock slowly release the tight pressure.

It was several moments before he elicited a moan out of the blonde and he felt as Naruto started to get hard again, his thumb rubbing over the tip slickly with the help of precum.

"Move," the blonde moaned, his hips lifting into Sasuke's hand as he tried to gain more friction.

And Sasuke did move: very slowly at first. He watched Naruto's features closely, making sure that with every gentle thrust, his eyebrows didn't furrow too far and waiting until the grasp around his upper arms loosened before he pulled out almost completely before slamming back in, earning a choked moan that left Naruto's jaw slack, and his hands clinging to Sasuke in desperation rather than pain.

"Are you ready yet? Because I won't go easy once you are," the raven warned, his voice as lascivious as the look in his eyes.

Naruto clenched his jaw shut in response, his head tilting back as he shared a heavy look with the teen above him. His lips were parted and he loosened his clenched teeth to roll his tongue over the inside of his bottom lip, an eyebrow raising as if to ask the raven what he was waiting for.

Sasuke couldn't wait for any kind of verbal response. With a look as lewd as that, it didn't matter if Naruto wanted it. Sasuke just couldn't hold back anymore.

Naruto had been warned. If it was a problem, it was too late now.

The blonde grunted at the quick pace, his breath leaving him when Sasuke struck something inside of him, making him see white spots.

It was difficult to decide what to focus on when Sasuke wrapped a hand around his member and began to pump it to the rhythm of his thrusts. It all felt overwhelmingly good and it wasn't long before he felt an unfamiliar feeling begin to coil within him. All he knew was that he didn't want Sasuke to stop.

His hips jerked up into Sasuke's hand as he came and his vision swam, his fingers and toes curling in mind-blowing bliss. He vaguely registered as Sasuke thrusted roughly several more times before he leaned forward, his sweaty forehead resting on Naruto's bare shoulder as the blonde's name rolled off his tongue in a way Naruto didn't know it was possible to say.

And then Sasuke collapsed completely before he pushed himself up enough to support his own weight, afraid of discomforting the blonde beneath him. Their eyes locked and they basked in the afterglow of sex, neither having much to say that they weren't already saying through their eyes.

"So do you see why we have to be naked?" Sasuke asked, breaking the silence with a smirk. Naruto shot him an irritated look as the raven pulled himself further up.

"You think you're so funny. Well you're _not_!" Naruto assured before groaning as Sasuke unexpectedly pulled out of him.

"Maybe not," the raven agreed as he rolled off the blonde, their eyes locked as he laid on his side next to the whiskered teen.

They sat in relative stillness for a couple moments before Naruto broke the comfortable silence.

"There's something that's still bothering me," the blonde stated as he rolled onto his side, his cheek resting in his palm as he perched himself up slightly, his eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"What's that, dobe?"

His eyes narrowed at the insult but other than that he let it go.

"I still don't get what happened with that present. How did my handwriting get on that card? And, _Hinata_? _Hinata_ of all people set me up? How'd she know what my handwriting looked like?"

Sasuke smirked, a self-satisfied 'hn' escaping his lips. Naruto glanced over to find the raven's sharingan activated and he tilted his head slightly in incomprehension.

"I can copy handwriting with my sharingan, idiot."

Naruto's eyes widened comically.

"So you wrote it!" he indicted as he pointed an accusing finger at the raven.

"Of course I did. Who do you think set this whole thing up?"

"_You_ set this up?" Naruto asked shrilly, unsure of whether to feel amused or annoyed.

The raven smirked, his eyes shifting to the side as he recalled the past several weeks he spent musing over how to get the blonde in bed, three helplessly enamored girls more than willing to lend their time to the cause of their shameless dreams.

"I had a little help."

Although, Sakura, Ino, and Hinata had demonstrated to provide more than just a 'little' help.

But then again, what fangirl in her right mind _wouldn't_ go to the extent they did to get Sasuke and Naruto together?

oOoOo

"Did you do it?" a pink haired kunoichi questioned as she grabbed a feverishly-blushing Hinata by the shoulders, shaking her slightly.

"Y-yes, I-I, um," she stuttered before holding out a small wrapped box to the girl who gave it a puzzled look.

"What is it?" Sakura asked as she took the box, flipping it over in her hands as she mused over it.

_Hinata seemed to hesitate for a moment before she threw her arms around Naruto's midriff, hugging him awkwardly for a short moment before pulling back and turning quickly before taking off down the street, blending easily into the crowd of villagers._

_The moment she was out of sight, she slipped a small box into her pocket._

_She wondered if she looked as much the pickpocket as she was._

But she didn't have to answer. Sakura looked at the small tag on the box and her eyes lit up instantly.

_To: Teme_

_From: Dobe_

"I-it was Naruto-kun's present to Sasuke-kun. I-I took it and th-that was probably wrong…"

Sakura smiled before eyeing Ino who looked as impressed as she felt.

"Hinata that was brilliant!" Ino exclaimed before grabbing the box from her pink-haired friend and looking down upon it with a generous amount of curiosity, "I wonder what Naruto bought for Sasuke," she mused, her fingers finding the edge of the wrapping paper and lifting it gently.

"W-we shouldn't–" Hinata began before being cut off.

"But we definitely will," Sakura finished for her as she elbowed Ino to egg her on.

The paper ripped, the lid to the box was removed, and the three girls gasped in unison as their eyes simultaneously fell on the precious item lying within the small box.

They might not have needed to trick Naruto with the lube after all. His present definitely would have sufficed.

End.

oOoOo

Yup! It was awkward. No one's first time, especially when we've got two virgins going at it, is gonna be as glamorous as a porno (because porn is glamorous, right?) If you felt awkward, good. :]

And yes, birthday fics have been done a million times so count this a million and one. I enjoyed writing it and that's all that counts :P

Hope you kinky little perverts enjoyed reading!


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